Don't worry. I won't bore you with the various levels of itching. For one thing, I have become convinced that there is no upper limit to how bad itching can be, and to write about it as if there is just tempts fate. I passed "cry like a loony" weeks ago, and I have no desire to take it to the next level. Let's just say my insides are still safely on the inside and not popping out of me, but not for my lack of effort.
The other thing I have become expert on is summer television. When you move to a house in New Hampshire, the cable deals (at least for the first Halcyon 6 months) allow for a lot of channels for far less than the "standard rate" (although it is never quite the same amount each month, but that's a rant for another time), so, suffice it to say I have everything but Showtime and the really dirty channels. So, here's my list. If you are my target audience (people my age who are me) then you can trust my judgement. For the rest of you, there's a short justification.
American Pickers: This is a fun little show, if it's your thing. This is my Partner in Crime's car wreck. It scares the shit out of him (because of my love of yard sales and all things thrift store), but he can't stop watching it. He won't admit it, but I have the link to the AP website because he sent it to me. Premise: You know that eyesore house in the country near your town? That one where the furniture outside the house was originally intended to be inside the house? That house that looks, even from the outside, to be FULL (not cluttered, FULL)? Well, two guys go to that house/ barn/ salvage yard and pick through it looking for "treasure." I have to admit that even for me, yard sale/ thrift store lover, I wondered if there really was a market for rusted out bike frames and tattered signs from products not made in this century. Then, on a well-needed outing courtesy of The Manda, we found ourselves in a Cracker Barrel waiting for Southern food in a Northern Climate. We talked about the stuff on the walls and had an iPhone handy. Turns out, there IS a guy who buys this kind of stuff, (see www.crackerbarrel.com and click on Decor) and his name is Larry Singleton. What can I say? Two nerds with an iPhone and a long wait for ham and biscuits is a dangerous combination.
Burn Notice: Watch this show. Seriously. Go out right now and buy the DVDs and catch up. Jeffrey Donovan (from humble little Amesbury, Massachusetts) and his fellow castmates are my favorite summertime treat. This is about what happens when someone somewhere (no one knows who) screws up and the blame falls on a spy. Think McGyver in a much more attractive package with a hint of the A-Team and a big splash of Mission: Impossible (without a trace of Tom Cruise, if M:I is a movie and not a tv show to you). If you just can't swing Jeffrey Donovan's way, my Partner in Crime says Gabrielle Anwar isn't too tough to look at either. One word of warning, though: dispose of any thoughts concerning Sam Axe -- he belongs to The Manda (I don't get it either, but I don't want to start any turf wars over here. The Manda fights dirty, and she has absolutely no conscience about these things. Ask anyone.) Seriously. Watch it. Stop reading and go out right now and buy the DVDs. Maybe Hulu, if you can't drive (like me!).
OK..... Now, that you've gotten and watched those.......
The Colony: I liked Season One of The Colony. I really did. An interesting premise. We run around convinced everyone is out to get us. Washington, we are convinced, is driving to hell and carrying us along with them so they can get into the carpool lane. This show asks if, when the shit hits the fan, would we know how to survive? They isolate the cast for a week (even from each other) and then set them loose on an abandoned few acres in an area of LA (really? abandoned LA? Whatever.) and then charges them with rebuilding humanity (because 12 people, at least 5 of them over childbearing age, could do that). As I said, an interesting premise. Season One did appear to be a little scripted. I'm just not sure I believe that an out of work actor all of 23 years old from New York City would know how to filter water through charcoal and sand. I kind of knew that, but only because of growing up in a house of way too many fishtanks. Even then, I'm not sure I would have transferred the knowledge if the "experts" hadn't likened the cast's contraption to the working of a fish tank filter. Even if I HAD thought of the idea, I know what fish tank filters look like when you forget to clean them for a while, so I don't know if I would have felt good about the water. Then again, TV asks you, especially in reality programming, to suspend your concept of reality at least a little, so season one was OK. That said, Season two is rubbing me the wrong way. First of all, this season talks of a viral attack rather than something artillery/ bomb realted. This means that quaratines (12 hours) are in effect any time the cast comes up against someone outside their group. I've only seen one episode (because the channel seems to be a little stingy in getting their airings to On Demand) and it involved a lot of people standing around. Secondly, rather than a manufactured sound studio in LA, they are using a real destroyed town in Louisiana. They talk about how the town was "abandoned" and I can't help but wonder if the people who owned those homes are being compensated while the cast of this show tears down the shells of their buildings,etc. The truth is I don't know, and I don't want to label blame where none is due, but I would have liked to know just how much I'm exploiting people with my viewing. I might watch anyway, but it is less likely.
Covert Affairs: This is a new show this summer. There are things that are worse, but I'm not sure if I would have watched more than one episode if I weren't stuck in a cast. It's a pretty well-worn path, concept-wise. Girl goes to Bali and has a big huge love affair, wakes up one day to find Dreamguy gone and decides that the answer is to close off her heart forever. How do you do that? Well, you join the CIA, of course. I don't like the "everything in my life is in some way informed by my love life and no matter what I accomplish I would give it all up if Dreamguy would just get in touch with me" schtick. Like I said, it's tired. I would have loved it if she'd joined the CIA so that later she could use the facial recognition software to find said asshole and at least make him pay for the hotel bill he ran out on...... but I digress. It's an interesting spy show, I guess, but there are better ones. If you're in a cast, though, check it out. There are worse ways to spend your time and take your mind off the incessant itching.
Design Star: I admit I have a weakness for Design Shows. I got into this on Tuesdays (no classes scheduled) last semester. As with Project Runway (which we might talk about in a later post as there's no WAY I'm getting through all these in one post), I kind of glaze over during a lot of reality programming. On this show, I tune out the drama and only focus on the assignment, the reveal, and the judges reaction. This makes DS a perfect show to be in the background while I'm creating assignments or planning the following week. I don't have enough emotion about reality show contestants in general to ever have my mood altered. I mean, I have opinions, but people who seem to develop real emotions connected to reality tv actors kind of scare me. That said, this is hosted by the cool Genevieve Gorder and the fabulous Vern Yip, and anyone who has known me since my former obsession with Trading Spaces knows I like Genevieve and I LOVE Vern Yip. There is also that host of Divine Design, but she adds nothing to the show for me. I think she's kind of bitchy. I mean, they ask these people to design a whole room using only shit you buy in a Oriental grocery store and she has the nerve to say, "It doesn't really look like a finished room?" No shit it doesn't look like a finished room, but the fact that the guy dyed rice and lined it up with precision to mirror Berber carpet is worth more than your scorn! I've seen your show. Of course you do it better. You get real carpet, twelve staff helpers who never get screen time, and unlimited budgets. He had rice and food coloring! So, this is a fun show, perfect for On Demand. Don't rearrange your life and pop popcorn when it's on the network, but catch it On Demand when you are folding laundry or doing some other menial task.
Ok -- that's the first 5. The post is long, and this gives me incentive to keep it going into another day. Perhaps by the time I get through all the shows (about 20-25 at last count..... 7 weeks is a LONG time, and I still have many that didn't make it through more than 2 shows -- I won't slam something I didn't give at least 2-3 viewings).
To recap:
- American Pickers -- If the premise sounds good, watch it. If you like freaky people, you'll like it. Otherwise skip.
- Burn Notice -- You've already watched the first three seasons on DVD like I told you, so I know you're hooked
- The Colony -- Meh. Don't bother unless you believe that the world is actually ending and you want survival tips.
- Covert Affairs -- If you're in a cast, it will pass an hour..... you know, or if you really like mild misogyny
- Design Star -- On Demand, when you are doing something else and want white noise
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