So.... What have you been up to?

Yeah yeah yeah. It's been a year. I've been..... busy. Real busy. With.... important stuff. Anyway, stop judging. Here's my attempt at a new leaf:

I’ve been hearing a lot about the fiasco that is the Facebook IPO. Apparently, our fair young leader lost something like $5 billion in about a week. I have to say, for such a smart guy, Zuckerberg is kind of stupid on this one. I don’t really understand why he decided to take the Paragon of Time Suck public in the first place. Does he not know that is the death knell of every cool thing on the Internet EVER?

Let’s check the scorecard:

• Anyone else remember when eBay was fun and cool and you wound up sitting in your jammies bidding furiously at 3 am because you simply HAD to have the Grandmother doll from the Sunshine Family that you played with as a kid in the 70s? Now? Ebay is a clearing house for cheap knockoffs from the Far East. There might still be cool things to bid on, but who can wade through the melee to find them?
• Anyone else remember getting fridge magnets and bookmarks from Amazon when you bought your latest mystery novel fix? I used to get as excited about the toy as I did about the books, and for a dork like me, that’s saying something. It was the adult equivalent of the prize in the cereal box (which has also gone by the wayside – really, General Mills? You think your average third grader wants to follow a lame maze on the back of the box to arrive at the secret surprise which is something like an encoded message telling them how much effing Fiber is in their Crispy Sweetie Bits? You guys got your finger on the pulse of a generation all right.). It was grown-ups playing with the cardboard box as much as the Christmas present that came in it, and it was glorious.
• A lesser known fiasco is Television Without Pity (formerly MightyBigTV.com). I used to spend many happy hours reading recaps of my favorite cheesy television.  We got to know the writers and secretly thought they redefined lame cool. They were hip without being hipsters -- a sardonic treat at the end of the day. It was also fascinatingly smart writing. Making a link between Sex and the City and Fraggle Rock? Not an easy feat. Brilliant, covered in a Secret Sauce of sublime. Then someone in a suit somewhere decided it was a good “brand.” The result? It’s now a page that, I think, copies recaps from official network broadcasting, suffering from SERIOUS Snark Deficiency.

But now I’m sad, so back to Facebook.

It seems to me that Zuckerberg’s largest problem is that he keeps attempting to reinvent a wheel when most people are perfectly happy with the wheel they’ve got.

Perhaps it’s because Zuckerberg grew up in an environment that gets a fairly regular kid in the Ivies. Maybe it’s because, since dropping out, he surrounded himself with young Silicon Valley folk who have the attention span of my Boston Terrier and the intensity of a ferret on meth, but it seems the most important memo he missed was the one that says American people are nothing if not content to be lazy, and while that is not a good thing if you are looking for a valued employee, it can be your greatest asset when deciding whether to spend millions to innovate and re-conceptualize a service into which billions of people are already happy to serve up their personal data for five more minutes on Farmville, or whether to sit on your yacht and eat Cheetos.

Contrary to popular belief, I do believe in hard work and the American spirit of choosing what is ambitious and difficult over what is easy, just not where the “lazy choice” still nets you billions of dollars.  I love Vegas. I believe in gambling rather than playing the sure thing. I believe in risk and reward. I also believe that sometimes it is time to take your jackpot winnings, walk away from the table, and go see the naked ladies dance at the Tropicana. If you already have $10 billion, who cares if the faucet is slowing down to a smaller drip? You have $10 billion, Mark. For the love of all that is time-sucking and holy, let the faucet drip and go look at the boobies.

I get that we aren’t his concern. I’ve spent no small amount of time laughing at people who think they are a customer of Zuckerberg’s and threatening to “pull their business.” Maybe it isn’t nice to laugh at people, but you had to miss an awful lot of classes not to figure out that when someone gives you something as complicated as Facebook for free, you aren’t the customer; you’re the product. Admit it. You will sit in front of Facebook shelling out your information for ten more minutes of whatever it is that blows your hair back, and for that I do not judge. We’re all in the same pot of self-delusion.

That said, there ARE other options, and while it will take a long time, eventually the tweak will come where many people will take their marketed choices and head somewhere else no matter what he does. The point is that it’s going to happen anyway. Something will replace Harry Potter, something will be cooler than the iPad, and something will supplant Facebook.  Such is the way of the world, and adding Timeline to User’s walls isn’t going to change that fact.

Mark? Go have a beer. Seriously.

In which the Suz invites you to Witness the Violence Inherent in the System

Perhaps it is the rising temperatures. Perhaps I'm riled up from the ending of the book about In-N-Out Burger. Perhaps I'm finally gaining steam on that slippery slope down to Bitchy Old Woman. Whatever. I'm a little pissed, and contemplating becoming more so. Wanna hear why?

Of course you do. What isn't fun about a Bitchy Old Woman?

This morning, I went in for the ritual of the Bitchy Old Woman in Training -- I got my hair colored. With a Mom who went gray early (not that anyone could offer photographic proof, mind you) and a paternal Grandmother who went totally white-haired before 40, this is a common ritual, and a local spa gets the privilege of my company and a nice chunk of my hard-earned wages every six weeks. Until one of my minions reports back to me with the location of that Fountain of Youth, I'm a sure thing, so they're generally nice to me at my little spa.

Today, I was about 10 minutes into my process when a stylist, not my own, asks me if I got married. An odd question since I didn't have a ring on my left hand last time, and I didn't have one on this time. I told her no, and asked why she asked (while looking at my left hand). She made a comment that I used to drive in in a little Pontiac and today I showed up in an Audi S4.

For the uninformed, you can buy a good half dozen rusted out Pontiac's for the price of an S4 in worse condition than the one I was driving. I wouldn't have known that either until I was told that as part of the Pretest to driving the S4 in question. (Yes, there is a pretest. There were essay questions.)

But I digress. The stylist's question turned my Bitchy Old Woman Ire up so fast that I felt like an Extra in The Fast and the Furious.

Yes, I showed up in a nice car. Why does that mean its likely I've hitched my wagon to a big fat wallet with a man attached? I believe this is indicative of a larger problem in the perception of Bitchy Old Women in this country. Yes, I was driving the Crimefighter's car, but that isn't the only way the scenario could have gone down.

So the next time you find yourself next to a woman whose circumstances have become rosy, let's consider alternative reasons she could have quadrupled my car wealth in 6 weeks. shall we?

• I just finished my dissertation and received tenure.
• I just sold my screenplay.
• I got a big promotion based on years of hard work.
• I've been scrimping and saving since I first got a job and finally bought myself the car of my dreams.
• I borrowed it from a friend.
• I did REALLY well in Vegas.
• I took my crappy car into the shop, and have an OUTSTANDING loaner car.
• I stole this car and decided to get a little pretty on before beginning my life on the lam.

There are a whole lot of reasons why I might have upgraded my car on my own merit. Why not consider one of those first? If the Crimefighter suddenly showed up in a Jaguar, how many people would think I or any other woman had anything to do with his being able to afford it?

If all of my other options are so unbelievable, how's about trying one other possibility:

• It's none of your business.

On the upside, my hair looks FABULOUS.

The Suz wonders whether she sparkles

I have a lot of free time in the summer. A lot. It's totally by design, and this won't be a post where I apologize for it. Last time: I eat a lot of pasta in the winter, I don't have kids, and I chose well in that my job is closed in the summer. If it helps you to think I'll die alone in some sort of diabetic coma.... well, you go right ahead and think that. I'll be over in aisle ten buying something cool I don't really need in every color they make it in.

Life is choices.

That said, a lot of free time means I spend a lot of time unwisely. I always have high hopes for the summer: daily overdoing it at the gym, writing the great American novel, actually cleaning out closets I don't remember filling..... but then the temp hits 90 one day, and I realize I'm done for the summer. Whatever. I'll attempt to change the lives of others after Labor Day.

One of the things I love about summer is the ability to catch up on my DVR. It's all I can do from Labor Day til Memorial Day to keep the darn thing from filling, as I enjoy a lot of mindless television the Crimefighter can't stomach. I watch it in snatches every time he heads out. A well timed trip to the Home Depot for him can net me a good episode and a half of Jerseylicious for me.

Yeah, I love reality TV. Not all of it, but what I love, I love purely. I know it's fake (I do a whole unit in the Spring concerning how fake it is and how it produces unhealthy views of race and gender to an unsuspecting nation), but sometimes you just want the heat to stop and the grey matter in your brain to drain slowly out, if only for a time.

Wednesday was, perhaps, the high point of the crappy reality TV summer season -- the season premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras. I actually did DVR this, but not because it's a program I watch regularly. It was mentioned in Peggy Oresnstein's Cinderella Ate my Daughter, and I thought she made some good points. In her discussion of The Princess Beast that Ate American Girls, she went on the road with some of the more famous contestants and offered a perspective not given by the meritorious producers of our show. One of the "stars" of the show, if a child routinely exploited by both her parents and the powers that be in the show can be referred to as the "star," actually got into the pageant world because she has a sibling with catastrophic disabilities who requires almost constant care from both parents 24/7. Her mother wanted to be able to give her able-bodied daughter some time to be in the spotlight since she does not get the same amount of time with her parents as her brother does. This must be concentrated into small bursts, like one glitz-filled pageant every two months. Toddlers & Tiaras doesn't show this because it is a "downer," but the show does pay for all the pageant fees these parents couldn't otherwise afford due to medical expenses. Talk about a rock and a hard place for parents.

Toddlers & Tiaras is, when it comes to criticism either television or culture based, shooting fish in a very small barrel. That said, I think the American public is aiming its criticism in completely the wrong place. Sure, I find it disturbing to see little girls dressed up like they are shooting the new Britney Spears video. Sure, the mothers doing the dances on the sidelines are more than a little grotesque, but I think both parties can be excused somewhat. We live in an age of extremely permissive, child-desires-based parenting, and beauty pageants seem to be just another, albeit extremely expensive and weird, branch in a pretty well-accepted, deeply-rooted tree. The contestants themselves? Well, any Child Psych 101 textbook will tell you that anything that garners positive attention is going to hit the mark with your average toddler. I even understand the people who organize the pageants. They charge a grand to enter the pageant of 150 girls and give out $5000 total prize money and about $4.25 worth of cheap plastic trophies. This is the cash cow that will not die.

Yes, I know these shows promote the image that to be a successful female means to be beautiful, and I know that the spectrum of what constitutes beauty is quite narrow (not to mention a little slutty). I know that families bankrupt themselves and cause their daughters to become spoiled divas only focused on image. That said, these messages hardly occur in a vacuum, and at least in pageants they get a trophy and a crown. You don't get that from reading books and graduating from a top-tiered school. Trust me. I know. I looked.

So we feel scornful, but we need a place to heap that scorn..... and this is where I find myself looking at..... the judges. On the season opener of Toddlers & Tiaras, I thought for a moment I was watching that old Kirstie Allie classic Drop Dead Gorgeous. Who ARE these people? I get wanting to strut your stuff on stage. I get wanting to see your daughter be told she's the best. I get wanting to make fat cash by exploiting the weaknesses of women who have done nothing with their lives other than procreate and have a desperate need to get a physical sign that they've done so well.

What I don't get is who gets up on a Saturday morning, dons a sequined cocktail dress, and spends their day evaluating the "sexiness and sparkle" of 4 year old girls in spray tans and hair pieces? These are attractive women in their twenties who must have had a better offer for their Friday night and Saturday morning than sitting in the ballroom of the Howard Johnson's judging the relative merits of some strip mall dentist's fake teeth and some overworked seamstress from the 3rd world's beadwork. Hell, I'm 5'2", 38, rarely wear makeup, and inherited my mother's ankles (or lack thereof) and *I* have better offers.

Then again, maybe I just lack sparkle.

Shame

So, I started this whole reading challenge, easily downshifted into the life of the unemployed, and got ready to feel superior to the masses due to my mad crazy reading skillz (yes, that's with a Z, my friends. I'm a machine). Then, out of the blue, my friends start DISCUSSING the books they are reading and having insightful things to say. Well.....shit.

This is when I begin to feel the shame. I should add that this began happening about two weeks ago, so it is wicked slow acting shame, but there you go.

I AM way ahead in the whole "page count" category, but I realize that my reading taste, compared to that of the smarties with whom I choose to spend my time, may be quite lacking. I would say, "Screw it; it's summer," but when the thermometer reads 50 and the books aren't all that different than when the thermometer reads 20..... Um..... I'm beginning to think that if books were booze, I would be the chick at the bar strung out on Pabst Blue Ribbon.

I'll set the stage. I finally decided to unpack from the move a year and a half ago, so a lot of my day is spent trying on clothes that used to fit. Then, natch, the rest of the day is spent in sweats and drinking. Don't judge me. The funny thing is that in the same section of my closet I will find things that used to be loose that are now unzippable, but I also find things that used to be wicked tight that now fall off me. Clearly, this doesn't mean I'm necessarily becoming the human pudding pop I have always had inside me...... I've decided to blame the fabrics and the weather. Project Runway starts in a few weeks. I'll find some excuse that doesn't make me switch to the creepy olive oil mayonnaise. God bless Tim Gunn.

Mornings, though, are my relaxation time. I actually have the most energy in the early morning, but right after their morning ablutions is when the pack settles down for their long winter's nap, and one learns to adapt. Because I love my partner in crime, I've moved the 'puter up to my "office" (read, a place to put all the tacky crap I've picked up along the way that the Crimefighter really doesn't want to see on the mantle even though my acrylic polar bears bequeathed to me by a student would look EXCELLENT up there), and I try to spend at least an hour every morning doing something that doesn't involve raising my blood pressure talking to silly deluded people from South Carolina about how I'm not fulfilling my role as the Crimefighter's "helpmate" and who do I think I am to take a vacation by myself and not give him babies? (The answer, by the way, is that Gerry likes having the house to himself during baseball season, and if I presented him with a baby, he would want to exchange it for a handy attachment for the riding lawnmower..... sorry. It's who we are).

So, 2 Crimefighting Sidekicks at my feet, here's what I've made it through this summer, bookwards:

• Cinderella Ate my Daughter by Peggy Orenstein. I've loved what Orenstein has to say about American girls since I encountered Schoolgirls in an Intro to Education course in college. This book was a strong start to the summer. It helped put into words the unsettled feelings I have with the American Girls dolls and the Disney Princess line. Above all, it made me really happy not to have to raise a daughter in contemporary American society. I've never been a big fan of damned if you do and damned if you don't situations. A very even-handed approach to a landscape of peril.
• Fablehaven: Grip of the Shadow Plague by Brandon Mull. This is a fun middle school series. I'm fascinated by re-tellings of fairy tales, and I'm a fantasy novel reader. Would that these kinds of books were around when I was growing up. I probably could have gotten my full-on geek on much sooner. Two kids work with their aging grandparents to protect fairy creatures from the outside world (and protect the outside world from the fairy creatures). A nice mix of creatures acting as they do in classic literature and those who are simply misunderstood. Good for people who liked the Sisters Grimm series but have outgrown its reading level.
• Savannah Blues by Mary Kay Andrews. Every now and again (like when it's really really cold outside) I like to read a good round of silly Southern literature. Andrews is better than the standard chick lit fare. Her characters are a little more interesting than the herd of drawling heroines that line the shelves at Barnes and Noble. That said, this one took me longer than you would think. I did find myself caring more about the information on antiques and home renovation than the relationships.
• Belle Weather by Celia Rivenbark. Love Celia. A series of essays on moving into a new house. I laughed at some of them until it hurt. While we moved a year ago, I spent most of last summer laid up, so now is when we are really getting into the arguments about wall colors and new furniture.
• Fundraising the Dead by Sheila Connolly. Your standard $7.99 paperback mystery series. Not terrible, but I didn't run out and buy the rest of them. Mystery set in a museum. I knew whodunnit by about page 12 (hint: don't make the shifty-eyed dog QUITE so shifty-eyed. KThxBye.). This is also the first author in the list (I'm going in order) that I had to look up on Amazon. That says something, I think.
• Miss Julia Rocks the Cradle by Ann Ross. I like this series. It reads quickly and reminds me of all the fine older Southern ladies from my hometown. I recommend this one to anyone who would like their older parents (especially Moms) to read more. The basic premise is that a widowed wealthy Southern lady finds out her husband had a protracted affair with a younger woman that resulted in a son, her dead husband's only heir. Through a series of wacky hi-jinks that make for delightful reading, Miss Julia decides to embrace the mistress and her son. Throughout the series, they all become a family, with new additions in almost every book. This is fun and sweet and counteracts the nightly news well on one of those evenings where you just can't care anymore. This series is one of those old friends I catch up with when I have the time. I'm not at the bookstore the Tuesday it comes out in hardcover, but I make sure to stop in and say hello when I have some free time.)
  
• Rowan Hood by Nancy Springer. My first audio book of the trip down the Eastern Seaboard. Tales of Robin Hood's daughter after the death of her mother. A quest to find Robin Hood. An interesting take without much actual history. The Merry Men are a fun lot, though. It describes well "the other side of the story" or how much not fun being a girl would have been then.
• The Mailbox by Audrey Shafer. Audio book #2. This was a tear jerker. A boy bounces out of the foster care system and into the home of his Vietnam War veteran uncle. When the Uncle dies, the boy doesn't want to go back into foster care. Someone (we don't know who) is helping the boy live on his own. An interesting little mystery and some good information about the bonds of vets from the Vietnam War.
• The Roar by Emma Clayton. YA dystopian novel about, among other things, class struggle and eco-terrorism. I think there needs to be (and probably will be) a sequel. I'll reserve judgment for that. I'm not a huge fan of cliffhangers in books. It's unnecessary. If you write engaging characters, then people will read your follow-ups.
• Nation by Terry Pratchett. I have a confession to make. I don't get Terry Pratchett. I feel like I do in Chinatown or New Orleans -- there's something going on that I'm not seeing, and I'm not sure if I want to see it or not. Fantastical/parallel universe tale of a boy caught between boyhood and manhood and between cultures with different agendas. There's a fair amount of "trust no one over 30" as well. Who does?
• Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. This is, by far, the most amazing book I've read in a long time. Based on the Mao's assertion that "women hold up half the sky," this is a blatant (they cop to it on page 3) attempt to open Americans' eyes to the desperate plight of women in most of the world. Lots of awesome information. Worth a read by anyone. So moving, I'm thinking about reorganizing my 111 class at Northeastern. I love the authors' assertion that oppression of women is the root cause of terrorism, a thought I've held for a long time. Speaking at a Saudi conference on technology, Bill Gates was asked what he thought the Saudi's chances for being in the top ten of technological advancement in the next ten years. His response? If the Saudis refused to utilize fifty percent of the resources of the country, they shouldn't expect to EVER enter the top quarter, let along the top ten per cent. Saudi women cheered. Too bad our own government doesn't feel like Gates does.
• Spackled and Spooked by Jennie Bentley. Another fun mystery -- this one featuring a crimefighting duo of home restorers. I like the home improvement tips, if the mystery is a bit weak. What the heck? It's fun. I needed it after Half the Sky.
  
• Spider's Bite (Elemental Assassin) by Jennifer Estep. Because every now and again, I miss books with vampires, werewolves, witches and other things that go bump in the night in them. I've read a lot better; I've read a lot worse.
  
• Shine by Lauren Myracle. Myracle is better known for her text message themed books (TT4N, TTYL, L8R G8R, etc) but this one is actually interesting and well-written. A compelling portrait of growing up in a small town that the rest of the world forgot. Reminded me a lot of the town I grew up in and how hard it is for a lot of people to get out. Oh, and there's a meth ring and gay bashing and alcoholics...... so it reflects contemporary small town society accurately if not prettily.

And there you have it. A buttload of books, very few of which I would recommend to everyone without a coda. The exception is Half the Sky. Truly moving. Cinderella Ate my Daughter is also delightful, to a certain audience anyway. Right now, I am trying to settle into the next one I will finish. Working on a book about gypsies (non-fiction), a YA fairy tale retelling, a work of short stories, and The Happiness Project which is awesome so far but needs to be read in pieces.

And that is my shame sort of lifting.......

Summer Reading Challenge!

Facebook continues to amaze me. Sometimes things we think are crucial whiz by people's pages so fast that they disappear into the ether totally comment free. Sometimes things we start as a lark become something neat. That's what seems to have happened here.

Long Story Short: Every summer, I try to set myself a goal. Having no interest in the goal of "working" as I do far enough of that during the year, I decided that this summer I would read 50 pages a day every day. This isn't a terribly lofty goal for myself (probably should have done something involving a "gym" or some such), but it's a goal. I told a friend she should join me. She did. On a lark, I posted the following on Facebook:

We got two people on the Summer Reading Challenge! Anyone else tough enough? (50 pages a day, every day, no holidays, from the Day you accept the Challenge through Labor Day).

Now, it seems as if it is kind of becoming a thing. So, in its infancy, here goes. This is close to what I ask my students at Mount Ida to do (except they read 25 pages a week, on account of we do other stuff and write a lot too).

Summer Reading Challenge: 50 Pages a day, no holidays, no exceptions, from the day you accept the challenge until Labor Day. Any book (has to be a book). Any subject (but hopefully a title you will cop to reading).

What you do: Nothing other than the reading, really. I would hope that you would consent to making at least one facebook post a week telling the world THAT you are reading and that you are getting something out of it. It never fails to amaze me what I get out of the books I read. If nothing else, I feel a great deal of joy when someone is talking about something I've never really studied and I'm able to pull a factoid seemingly as if from mid-air.

Rules: Don't lie. This is a Summer Reading Challenge. We're not playing for a Porsche here. What's the point?

eReader Pages vs. "Real" book Pages: Use your best judgement. Push yourself, but again Summer Reading Challenge, not the Olympics.

Levels of Membership:

1. Level One: "I'm only doing this because I was drunk one night and said I would." OR "I knew you wouldn't shut up until I said I would try." Leave me alone.
2. Level Two: I really want to try this, but I'm wicked busy. Ask me what I've read from time to time, but leave me alone if I ignore you. I have a life.
3. Level Three: I really really want to do this. I'm might need a push. Taunt me if I slack off for no good reason.

There you have it. Get to reading. Post here or on Facebook. Have fun!

Tips for Reluctant Readers:

Don't ever feel like you have to finish a book you start. I love books, but some suck. I would hate to think that my happy fun reading challenge made someone feel as if they were obligated to finish Twilight. Good rule of thumb: If a book hasn't caught you in 100 minus your age pages, choose a new book. Life is short.

If 50 pages sounds daunting, you can try Young Adult novels. I'm hooked, and I swear many out there are better than most adult lit.

If you have kids, read things that are LIKE what they are reading. This is better than reading WHAT they are reading because you have things to talk about, but they don't feel like you are screening their reading and they still get to be the expert on their own book. I promise you won't regret it. It gives you something to talk about with your kids that isn't rules and what they can and cannot do or what they should or shouldn't do. Think of it as a free conversation with your kid. If it's hard for you to get through the pages, share that with them, especially if they don't like to read. Can you think of a better lesson to teach your kids than having them see you do something even though it's hard? Something they can relate to?

Please share your tips on getting through if it is hard. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice.

Have fun! Happy Reading! See you soon, I hope.

OK, so maybe this assignment does suck a little (when the book does)

Week 2 Journal
The Scorch Trials
James Dashner
Pages 1-340 (the whole thing!)

This week, I have to put aside Born Round for a very simple reason – I checked The Scorch Trials by Dashner 3 weeks ago from the local library, the book was due, and I couldn’t renew it because someone else was waiting on it. A practical reason for allowing The Scorch Trials to jump ahead of the other books in line, but as I found out this week, not one that lends itself to making me like the book unnecessarily.
First of all, I chose to read this book because I read the one that came before it. Dashner has proposed a trilogy and The Scorch Trials is the second one, coming after The Maze Runner which I read over the summer on a recommendation from my “Book Tracker” function on Facebook (which I love). In The Maze Runner we were introduced to a group of boys who lived in a controlled community (I’m a BIG fan of Dystopian Adolescent Literature – that means books for teenagers which are set in a very bleak future). Every month, an elevator arrives in this community carrying supplies the boys need and a brand new boy who has no memory of his past. One day, the main character arrives. The next week, three weeks ahead of schedule, another person arrives in the elevator, but this time it’s a girl. She carries a note saying “I am the last one ever.” The story goes on from there, and it was quite interesting. The boys worked together to finally make their way through a maze that surrounded their community and made it, in the final pages, to freedom.
The Scorch Trials picks up soon thereafter. It turns out that the boys are NOT safe and that the Maze was merely the first step in a plan to prepare them to save humanity which has been overcome first by sun flares that wiped out a lot of humanity and then by a new virus which slowly turns the carriers into zombie like creatures. The survivors from the first book are then given the task of making it through 100 miles of desert towns to reach their goal.
This book just didn’t work as well as The Maze Runner for many reasons. First of all, the setting of the maze – the creepy atmosphere and the unseen puppet masters that are so central to the first book are completely absent. It’s sort of like we already know too much and can’t recapture any kind of suspense that is really needed in this type of story. I liken it to when the couple in a TV show that everyone wants to get together finally does and then the show falls apart. There was no reason for me to keep caring about these characters.
There are parts of The Scorch Trials that I found cool, if not really enough to carry the whole book. The zombie type characters are really scary. That said, I would have liked to see more fear and less resignation in the characters who know they have been infected and who know they will lose their minds but haven’t yet. Wouldn’t that be terrifying?
Also, it should be mentioned that both The Maze Runner and The Scorch Trials contain this sort of hybrid language developed by the boys while they were trapped in the maze. I guess it makes sense that confined people would create new words for things – especially kids who had had their prior memory wiped – but it’s clunky. I guess I see THAT they would create a new language; I just don’t care for the one Dashner has created. It feels like a cheap knock-off of Lord of the Flies, and he’s no Golding.

What have I Gotten Myself Into?

Ever hear yourself saying something you really don't want to say, but then you said it and it was out there hanging in a word bubble over your head and no matter how much you want to take it back, you can't? That's me in my first day of classes at Mount Ida this semester.

I make my students read for pleasure and journal about their reading. They bitch. They moan. They gripe. They grouse (isn't that a great word?) about the impossibility of the situation.

So, Wednesday (first day of classes) I hear myself saying, "Of course it's possible. In fact, I'll do it with you."

Damn! See that uneraseable air bubble up there? Yep, it's mine. Oh well. Here's my first attempt. Maybe it'll get me writing real stuff here.

Background they know: I picked the following book because I heard the author interviewed on NPR + it was 50% off at Barnes and Noble. That is what we in the Book Addiction business call kismet.
Background they don't know: I deliberately picked a book I felt "Meh" about because I thought I would give it up and show them by example that they are allowed to do that too.

Journal #1:

I honestly didn’t really expect to enjoy Born Round: A Story of Family, Food, and a Ferocious Appetite. In fact, I chose to start a book that I wasn’t incredibly excited about in an attempt to show how connections can be found between whatever someone reads and their own life.
I started Born Round during the time in between my office hours at Mount Ida and my first class at Northeastern. I usually have about an hour and a half, and I thought that would give me enough time to get through at least most of my reading. I wound up reading the Introduction and whole first chapter, around 30 pages, and I had to hustle to get to my class!

Born Round unexpectedly had me laughing from the Introduction. The book opens with the author working as a correspondent in Italy (incidentally, a place I’ve never been but definitely tops on my list of next places I’d love to go) when he gets a call to become a food critic in America. I found myself laughing because leaving Italy to become a food critic in America seems kind of like leaving the Vatican to study religion in a biker bar. While I’ve never been to Italy, I’ve had a lot of Italian students and colleagues through the years. Bar none, they are obsessed with food, specifically good food. Every single one of them would have been appalled by my Pizza Hut greasy lunch!

Born Round covers a topic everyone can relate to – our relationship with food. American eating choices disturb me. Even before picking up this book, I have an interest in healthier eating (not claiming I have an ideal diet by any means!). I heard someone say once, “If your Grandmother wouldn’t have known what it is, it CAN’T be food.” I think that’s true.

We all have a history of food. I can’t say I can relate to the author’s constant ranking of candy bars in order of preference, and I certainly never threw up to make room for more food as a toddler (like the author claims he did). That said, the role food played in his family does bear some resemblance of the role food played in mine. I think our parents had similar ideas about what exactly it meant to provide nourishment to a family.

Starting on page 13, the author relays his favorite foods at different ages. As my taste buds have certainly change and I hope evolved, it is funny to hear of the “gross” foods others once found so appealing. For the author, it was lamb chops (I have no idea – my family didn’t do lamb). For me, it was hot dogs. I can’t STAND hot dogs now, but while I was growing up, they were my family’s go to meal for me. The author’s obsession about food (on page 14: “The quiche had to cool for about 45 minutes before it could be eaten; I knew because I’d often kept count.”) definitely goes way beyond what mine ever was, but the abject devotion to particular foods is, indeed, universal.

The author attempts to explain his mother by saying that she threw her talents and efforts that could have very easily been channeled into work outside the home into feeding and caring for her family. “Those schoolmates had nicer homes, nicer clothes. But they didn’t eat any better than he did.” I think this is true of a lot of smart talented women of the 50s and 60s. They had nothing to stimulate them outside of the home so they might have often gone overboard inside the home. This lasts even today when most women work. I often find myself thinking that the messy house, when it is messy, is always my fault, even if none of the mess is mine….. Wonder why that is? Maybe something to think about as I continue this book…..

I love the author’s references to meals in his house as “gastronomic rugby matches.” I love eating with big noisy families who reach and grab all over each other and chow down with the confidence and happiness of a table that has never known hunger. Meals at my house, both growing up and now, are far more “civilized” affairs, much like those of the author’s mother’s childhood home (from page 15: “Harry would get 8 ounces of steak. Everyone else would get four to five ounces apiece. And everyone would chew it slowly, with firmly closed mouths.”) I don’t know what I’m getting at here. I guess dinner at the Bruni household – even though it made the author pretty chunky for most of his life – sounds really really fun.

I also laughed out loud (to the chagrin of all the other diners in Curry Student Center!) at the scene revolving around the author’s Grandmother’s homemade sausage. I laughed because I vaguely remember, when my family first moved from Connecticut to South Carolina in the 1970s, my father’s horror to discover that there was NO Italian sausage available anywhere! It’s hard to imagine, in today’s globalized world, a time when things just couldn’t be gotten in the grocery store, but it really existed when I was younger. It wasn’t just the South. I have only recently seen things here readily available to me in South Carolina as a kid. Anyway, this lack of homemade sausage was, in my Father’s mind, bordering on sacrilegious, so he got a whole bunch of his friends from work together (they were all transplanted from Connecticut), went in on a side of pork, and they all made homemade Italian sausage. For the record, although all the kids of all the family’s got together and played and made some of the greatest childhood memories I have….. The making of Italian sausage is gross, and will make the highest end kitchen kinda look like a slaughterhouse.

I’m looking forward to reading more about this family. There’s nothing wrong with a love of food, but it will be interesting to see how the author (now decidedly not “round”) gets his insatiable cravings and unstoppable curiosity about food under control. I’m thrilled today was a snow day because I really wanted to read further in this book, but found myself not wanting to get too far ahead before I had time to stop and write this journal.

I hope this helps show you a little about what I mean when I say you should “use” the text rather than just report the events. I know that you can read something and put the events in chronological order. What I want to hear is your reaction to the text and why you have that reaction. Go down memory lane. You didn’t need to hear about my childhood memories, I know. What connecting the book to my memories does FOR ME is to help me remember some of the details (not all – no one remembers everything) for the next time I pick up the book. I did NOT include a lot of stuff that happens in the text. That isn’t the point of a journal. It’s there for YOU to make SOME meaning from the book FOR YOU. I also didn’t bog you down with details. You don’t know what paper he was working for. Why? Because it wasn’t what I felt like focusing on in this entry. Try less to “get it right” and just write. Good luck on your journals.

Thinning the Herd

The office is beginning to look like an office -- well, the Crimefighter's office is beginning to look like an office. I'm still one big trip to a Swedish paradise in America away from success in my own office, but this is how it is sometimes.

I carted out 24 boxes of books and put them on the shelves. I'll have to move almost all of them when I get my own space tricked out, but at least there's a lot more cardboard in the garage than in the house.

Every so often, I go through my books and decide which relationships I want to continue and which books would be happier in someone else's family. I've read all of these, but I won't bore you with my summation. It's Sunday, it's late, and this is what all those people at amazon get paid for anyway.

Same deal as last time -- if you want them, they're yours forever. I'll even send them to you. All I ask is that you feed them well and love them as I did, if only briefly.

In no particular order:

Fiction:

• The Inn at Lake Devine by Eleanor Lipman'
• Life After Genius by M. Ann Jacoby
• The Prada Paradox by Julie Kenner
• The Year of Disappearances (Ethical Vampire Series #2) by Susan Hubbard
• Bed of Roses by Nora Roberts
• Blonde Roots by Bernardine Evaristo
• Hacking Harvard by Robin Wasserman (YA)
• Lightening Thief by Rick Riordan (YA)
• The Case of the Missing Books (Mobile Library Mystery #1) by Ian Sansom
• Mr. Dixon Disappears (Mobile Library Mystery #2) by Ian Sansom

Nonfiction:

• The Crimes of Charlotte Bronte by James Tully
• Beautiful Boy by David Sheff
• The Film Club by David Gilmour

I'll give you my version of the skinny on any of them if you are interested. Catch me through email or on facebook. There will be more soon, I'm sure.

What you Should and Shouldn't be Watching -- are we there yet?

If you think the repetition of the blog content is boring, you should try being in a cast and having nothing to do BUT anticipate the next time the cable gods feel motivated to post a new show. We are, if all goes well and I mess nothing up, 9 days away from The Great Liberation of Suzanne's Ankle. Let's hope I do nothing stupid. Well, one can always hope.

This week, in creative alphabetic order:

Neighbors from Hell: This is a trippy little cartoon I stumbled upon a few weeks ago. It airs on TBS, and I was surprised that it is the only On Demand show I watch from the channel. TBS might want to look into expanding the other programs they offer on demand. I think I watch a lot of the channel. If you had asked me, I would have equated it with TNT or USA. Not true, apparently. If Neighbors from Hell is their only new programming, they might want to up the budget. The premise is one of those that sounds stupid to everyone who isn't me. I lurve subversive cartooning (having watched The Simpsons since it was filler on The Tracey Ullman Show), and Matt Groening is one of the minor deities in my Pantheon. He sits just behind and to the left of Joss Wheedon. The premise of NFH is simple: Balthasar is a regular, working-class demon in hell, just trying to get by and raise his family of two kids, a wife, and a dog while also taking care of a wacky gay uncle. He is an average working schmo who breaks one of Hell's cardinal rules -- he watches television for pleasure. Television is banned everywhere except as a form of torture because, as the Devil informs us, "that'll rot your brain. That's the truth." Caught watching television, he and his clan are exiled from hell and charged with living on Earth. Balthasar is ordered to stop the creation of a powerful drill that, eventually, will drill to the Earth's core (which is, incidentally, hell). Of course, when the demons reach the surface, we learn that they may be the nicest people around. Everyone connected to the corporation perfecting the drill is, of course, far more demonic than anyone known in hell. "Hilarity" ensues. NFH isn't terrible, but the premise is a little done. It doesn't have that subtle hand that Whedon had (when Spike battles and wins his soul on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer and turns out.... exactly as he was before, well, THAT was subtle genius). This is OK. It isn't Groening or MacPharlane, but it's cute.

Parenthood: I started watching Parenthood for the most noble of reasons: it is Peter Krause's new show, and I feel the need to always support my tv boyfriend. That said, I think Parenthood is really outstanding. It stars Coach as the patriarch of a family not necessarily falling apart but definitely fraying thanks to a host of society's problems. Krause plays Adam Braverman. He has two sisters: the chick from Gilmore Girls and the chick from Swimfan. He also has a brother, played by Dax Shepard. The four Braverman children are close, but all face what I consider to be fairly realistic trials. The Gilmore Girls chick, Sarah, married the wrong guy too young and is now raising two teenagers. The other sister, Julia, is a high powered lawyer struggling to find her place as a mother. Adam and his wife have a teenage girl and a younger son diagnosed in the first episodes as autistic. The brother, Crosby, discovers he has a son from a previous relationship. Although I am not a parent and have no immediate plans to be one, I really like the acting on this show. The characters are believable; the storylines compelling. As I don't have a large immediate family, I find the patterns of communication to be interesting. The series is definitely trying to be the thirtysomething of this decade. It has only been on for one season, but it just might resonate that much. The interplay between the characters, especially the question of balancing caring for your kids and caring for your parents, draws in the viewer.

Pawn Stars: The only reality tv entry this week, and by far my favorite. Pawn Stars is Antiques Roadshow for boys. It stars Rick, owner of Gold & Silver Pawn Shop in Las Vegas, NV (there's a picture of me and the Crimefighter out in front of it -- PRE-broken leg. Am waiting to get it), his Old Man, and his employees: his son Big Hoss, and Chumlee. I won't attempt to mimic the dialogue, but the interplay between Rick, his family, and his "friends" (appraisers) makes the show worthwhile. It was really fun to see the things I watched him purchase on tv sitting in the store. PS -- the cast ARE in the pawn shop. If you are in Vegas, stop by mornings Monday through Friday.

Rizzoli & Isles: This is a hidden treat for the summer. On TNT, Rizzoli & Isles is a standard cop drama starring Angie Harmon (who I love) and Sasha Alexander (had to look it up -- never seen her before) as a Homicide cop and medical examiner. On one level, it is just a typical cop drama bred with a little bit of "tomboy is friends with a fashionista" thrown in for good measure. That said, the relationship between the two is interesting. There are factual holes you have to ignore or look past (the medical examiner rides to the scene of the crime with the cop? Routinely? I don't think so.) but the show presents some interesting cases. They are tied to contemporary society but not so shamelessly "ripped from the headlines" as cases on Law & Order have become. No one on this show will play "Radio Shock Jock Harold Stren" and insult your intelligence like L&O can do on occasion. (I would like to interject that the L&O where the person who was supposed to be Anne Coulter met a foul end did not make me feel entirely despondant, but hey, I'm only human, unlike Anne Coulter). I would definitely recommend this one, no matter what the Crimefighter says. (His review here: "Chick show." My boy and his wordiness!)

Royal Pains: Summertime television should all be so much fun (sort of like summer itself). I adore Royal Pains! The first season got off to a sort of rocky start last year, but this show has completely hit its stride this summer. This is the story of two brothers: Hank and Evan Lawson (played so deliciously by Mark Feuerstein and Paulo Costanza). Hank is a doctor in the city when one mistake costs him his practice. Enter his financial "guru" (brother Evan) who secures them a chance to open a concierge medical practice in the Hamptons. Last season was a bit rough because there was this whole "what is going on with the crazy rich guy who hired us" thing. I believe the creators realized that the wacky overly odd residents of the Hamptons (those who bought there way in and those who were born to serve those who bought their way in) were enough. The show didn't really need a larger mystery. Why is there a shark in Boris' basement? No one cared. Now that the show has, ostensibly, dropped the more ridiculous storylines and focused on the more believable stories, it has only aged well. So, all in all, a wonderful show. If that isn't enough, did I mention it has Mark Feuerstein in the lead roll? (For those who listened to me and checked out Drop Dead Diva on Sunday.... the actress who plays Deb now has a recurring role on Royal Pains. Yea for her!)

For me, this is actually short. This is because, for all my love of television, my love of books remains stronger, and the Crimefighter took me to the library last night. I picked up 5 new ones and am almost through the first. Perhaps soon I'll have a list of what you should be reading, and all will once again be right with the world.

• Neighbors from Hell: Okay. For serious adult cartoon fans only. Not nearly as "subversive" as it believes itself to be.
• 
  Parenthood: On repeats now, but definitely worth a watch. If nothing else, you get to see my tv boyfriend.
• 
  Pawn Stars: Antiques Roadshow for boys. Cool for girls as well.
• 
  Rizzoli & Isles: A fun summer cop series. Definitely worth checking out.
• 
  Royal Pains: One of my favorite summer shows. Cable in the summer is definitely more interesting than the networks in the fall or spring.

What you Should and Shouldn't Be Watching Redux

OK, so the Richard-McCarthy's are playing host to Lovey the Labrador this weekend. As I had always suspected, having two dogs is proving easier than having one. After the first Meet-N-Greet (which, OK, did involve a little bit more humping than polite company would consider pleasant) which lasted about 10 minutes, they began to play in respectable ways while FoodGirl (that's my DogName) cleaned the kitchen. Now, they've settled into their respective corners and are snoozing peacefully in the late morning sun. I'm also thrilled that, for once, there's another lady in the house. Testosterone land has another female influence, if only for the day.

So, just in case this is only the calm before the storm (and Gerry is out buying manythings at manystores.... I don't ask anymore), I thought I would seize the opportunity to continue my list of what you should and should not be watching. Summation to follow at the end since I'm beginning to realize I'm a wordy little girl when stuck in the house. Here goes:

Austin and Santino: OK, this wasn't a show I immediately gravitated towards. In fact, had I not fallen asleep during Project Runway and woken up to it, I might not have even been aware of its existance. In short, two designers ("well-known, internationally famous" according to the promos. Then again, if you are really well-known and internationally famous in a good way, you probably aren't doing a reality show on Lifetime. I mean, Ralph Lauren barely had time to visit his cars when they were on vacation at the Boston MFA. I don't see him driving around to film a series of shows. But I digress). They are two former winners of Project Runway, so not exactly "internationally acclaimed" so much as "reality show winners with better personalities than most." The premise is that they drive around and make gowns for deserving women who wouldn't otherwise have gowns for whatever their big occasion is. First off, I should say that this show is NOT for homophobes. These guys are definitely one of a kind, and they do have an amazing chemistry and the ability to make nice dresses in short amounts of time, but they're gay. Really really gay. Super gay. Cape wearing, jumping tall buildings in a single bound, it's-raining-men gay. If you can't handle that, then don't watch. As a favor, don't judge them. You were warned. There are a bazillion channels on cable, and plenty enough space for two gay guys to do a little show on a chick network where they make deserving women happy. Turn the channel; I'm sure someone somewhere is killing something one one of them.

The winning part of this show has got to be the dialogue. The characters wear their respective absurdity with aplomb. An example I snagged from the web:

Sadie's Dad (a rodeo clown): I wear makeup, tights, and I work at night.

Austin: Me too, sometimes.

Santino: Do you think we'll still be friends after this adventure?

Austin: I certainly hope so....

Santino: because I wish I could quit you.

"I always wanted to live in a castle; I just never thought it would be in Texas" -- Austin

"The last time I was in a castle? I don't know, White Castle?" -- Santino

All in all, an amazingly fun show, again, if it's your thing. Austin is quite unnerving. He seems to be a cross between Andy Warhol and some sort of Olympic-caliber mentalist. Santino often plays his straight man, although far from straight, but has his own emerging personality on the show. I find it very funny.

Drop Dead Diva: I'm almost embarrassed how much I like this show. Premise is that Deb, a fashion model, about to be engaged to the lawyer love of her life, is killed in a car accident. Simultaneously, Jane, a hard working, underappreciated, plus sized, very smart but shy lawyer takes a bullet for her boss who is about to be shot by a disgruntled former client. In Heaven, we learn that your Guardian Angel weighs your good deeds versus your bad deeds and the balance determines whether you go up or down. Deb turns out to be the first completely neutral person (equal good/ bad) and causes the staff of the Pearly Gates to pause and shake their heads, during which time, she hits the "reutrn" button and is sent back to Earth. Unfortunately, she returns to Jane's body. And this is the point at which you are shaking your head and saying, "Seriously? How drunk ARE you all summer?" I know. Stupid premise. That said, I like this show. I like Brooke Eliot. She's infectious as Jane.

The one thing that made me keep watching this show is that, after one or two episodes, it almost totally stopped being about weight. I was intrigued by this. I, too, am tired of the hidden messages in so many shows that present us with a fat girl who is really sweet where we are supposed to look past the fat, and everyone on the show learns a valuable lesson. The reason I hate those is because, almost universally, there's the message underlying the underlying message that while we love the fat girl, it really IS a shame she's fat, depsite all our growth. We're almost always taught to be good people and love the fat girl DESPITE her fat. That "despite" is a big one, and it's overdone and more than a little harmful. DDD has proven to be more than "skinny girls have it easier, and we need to look past the fat to the heart of gold." That's trite, and I think DDD is a little more. Deb's former fiance works in Jane's law firm, and we can see his increasing attraction to Jane. We see him warring with his feelings for her when society tells him that he needs someone who looks more like Deb did. Mostly, though, this is another idealistic lawyer show where even bad people wind up doing the right things (in the firm at least), and it has caught my attention. I think this is inherently watchable, after you choke down the incredibly stupid premise.

The Glades: I started watching The Glades simply because a friend of mine was friends in college with a guy who works on the show. I've done more stupid things for much more lame reasons, so deal with it. It's just another cop show set in Miami (what is it with Miami?.... for about three years it was THE place to set your new show -- Burn Notice, Dexter, and others. The pendulum swung to Boston this year, but we'll get into that.) Apparently, Miami was happening up until this year, tv setting wise. I would also like to point out that I would buy the fourth video wall (see: Fahrenheit 451 for the reference; it won't kill you; it's a short book) if, somehow, Dexter showed up as a cop on Burn Notice (you remember Burn Notice, right? You bought the DVDs and watched them all yesterday) or we caught an image of Michael Weston watching Dexter cut someone up. He's a spy; he could get away without Dexter noticing and go back to his show.

Anyway, I like The Glades, but I don't love it. It is exactly like every other cop drama out there, except with jeans and short sleeved shirts. Loose cannon cop gets in trouble in the big city, moved to the Everglades thinking it will be easier, finds a big string of murders (serious message to all television-city HR departments: NEVER hire someone from the big city to be a cop in yours. This is when the murders happen, people...... Stay sharp.). The murders are drug related and gang related and nothing too out there. There's a love interest, natch, and a little kid (son of the love interest) to act as non-threatening sidekick who, because he's a kid, has wisdom beyond his years. If this is your thing, you will get more of your thing. It's little else, though. Too bad. I loved when I saw the name of my friend's friend not only in the credits but also on a nametag in a scene in episode 4.

Haven: This is Steven King's hard crime novella Who Shot the Colorado Kid? made into a mini-series. FBI agent goes in for one case; things get weird; we learn that the town has a history of creep. Pretty typical King. I will say that King's writing usually does better with the time given to a mini-series rather than movies (the exception, of course, being The Shining). This is interesting, and I hope they continue it. It's a little X-Files and a little cop drama. I've heard King's book is disappointing in the end, and I think this show may improve it as they are able to do some interesting stuff visually that doesn't come through in King's book. Again, I haven't read the book, but the people I got the info from are pretty good sources. King is a concise writer, not given overmuch to description. This means that a good director can do a lot of personal things with the bones of a King story. I like Haven. The cases are interesting, and they stand alone which is nice if you miss a week. If you like creep, it really isn't bad. Plus, it features Claire's creepy boyfriend from Six Feet Under (the one into whose locker Clair put the foot??? Ack!), and I missed him. He's creeptastically wonderful, if a bit underused at this point. I don't know the name of the main actor, but he's trying really hard to be Peter Krause, and I believe this is the goal all men should have (Peter Krause formerly of Six Feet Under and Dirty, Sexy Money and now of the wonderful Parenthood which will be discussed later is my #1 TV boyfriend, FYI).

Leverage: OK. This is my must watch for this post. I LOVE Leverage (because I'm a child of the 80s, perhaps). Leverage is, essentially, a remake of The A-Team with better adjusted characters. I should admit that I started watching Leverage because it stars Timothy Hutton. Lore in my family is that Timothy Hutton's mother worked with my mother as a teacher when my Mom was first married. Mrs. H had Timothy, my Mom had Dawn, and they had playgroups together. Whether or not this is actually true, I have no idea, but my sister and I both watch anything starring him now. Sometimes, this causes us to lose hours we sort of wish we had back, but not in this case. Leverage is always time well spent. Anyway, the Huttons are not family friends or anything, but it's an interesting tidbit. Leverage features a gang of five who help the less fortunate get back at the powers that be when the powers that be wrong them. So far, the gang has taken on those "big bads" of contemporary society, and I appreciate that the "big bads" come from all ends of the political spectrum. This is a show about those in power versus those without, which I am ALL about. They've shown the evil in Big Pharma and militia groups, politicians, and others we all love to hate. The group consists of "The Hitter," "The Hacker," "The Grifter," "The Thief," and "The Brain (Hutton)." The Hitter is Christian Kane who I originally thought played The Groosalugg on Angel but, upon IMDB surfing I came to realize was actually Lindsay McDonald (a much more major character, but nowhere near as cool as being able to say "The Hitter, who you may remember as the Groosalugg....,"), but again I digress..... Anyway, the others aren't actors from my TV addicted past, but they are also funny. Who can't get behind the idea of getting back at the nameless, faceless powers in our society? Smart show to launch in a suck economy.

So, that's it for today. The babies are getting restless and the Crimefighter is home, so I'm out. To recap:

• Austin and Santino: Watch it, unless you are a homophobe. Funny as hell. You won't care about the design part at all, but the boys are a hoot and a half.
  
• Drop Dead Diva: Totally worth getting behind if you can get past the premise (just don't watch the Pilot, and you're golden). More than it seems at first.
  
• The Glades: If you like cop dramas, here's another. Nothing to separate it from the others.
  
• Haven: Good for the creepy set. It's not X-Files yet, but it tries. It has good bones to stand on as it springs from King, and he's always good for a shiver.
  
• Leverage: Go. Watch. Now. If I could drive, I would have the DVDs from past seasons (IMDB says it started in 2008. If that's true, I've missed a season and would love to see it.)

As you can see, we're going alphabetically (and sometimes I backtrack if I forget one or add in a new one from earlier in the letters). Unless there's a new addition (or The Great Dog Meltdown of 2010), I'll continue tomorrow with Parenthood, Pawn Stars, Neighbors From Hell, Rizzoli and Isles, and Royal Pains. Spolier: Tomorrow's list is predominantly squee with only a little WTH?

Back to the furries.....

What you should and shouldn't be watching

Every writing teacher in the history of the world tells every fresh faced writing student to write what they know. This becomes a problem with a broken leg. See, for 6-8 weeks, you know nothing new. Not easy to find inspiration when you aren't so fresh-faced anymore (did I mention that even showering is a pain in the ass in a cast?). Still, I realized that there are SOME things I'm fairly certain I know better than most.

Don't worry. I won't bore you with the various levels of itching. For one thing, I have become convinced that there is no upper limit to how bad itching can be, and to write about it as if there is just tempts fate. I passed "cry like a loony" weeks ago, and I have no desire to take it to the next level. Let's just say my insides are still safely on the inside and not popping out of me, but not for my lack of effort.

The other thing I have become expert on is summer television. When you move to a house in New Hampshire, the cable deals (at least for the first Halcyon 6 months) allow for a lot of channels for far less than the "standard rate" (although it is never quite the same amount each month, but that's a rant for another time), so, suffice it to say I have everything but Showtime and the really dirty channels. So, here's my list. If you are my target audience (people my age who are me) then you can trust my judgement. For the rest of you, there's a short justification.

American Pickers: This is a fun little show, if it's your thing. This is my Partner in Crime's car wreck. It scares the shit out of him (because of my love of yard sales and all things thrift store), but he can't stop watching it. He won't admit it, but I have the link to the AP website because he sent it to me. Premise: You know that eyesore house in the country near your town? That one where the furniture outside the house was originally intended to be inside the house? That house that looks, even from the outside, to be FULL (not cluttered, FULL)? Well, two guys go to that house/ barn/ salvage yard and pick through it looking for "treasure." I have to admit that even for me, yard sale/ thrift store lover, I wondered if there really was a market for rusted out bike frames and tattered signs from products not made in this century. Then, on a well-needed outing courtesy of The Manda, we found ourselves in a Cracker Barrel waiting for Southern food in a Northern Climate. We talked about the stuff on the walls and had an iPhone handy. Turns out, there IS a guy who buys this kind of stuff, (see www.crackerbarrel.com and click on Decor) and his name is Larry Singleton. What can I say? Two nerds with an iPhone and a long wait for ham and biscuits is a dangerous combination.

Burn Notice: Watch this show. Seriously. Go out right now and buy the DVDs and catch up. Jeffrey Donovan (from humble little Amesbury, Massachusetts) and his fellow castmates are my favorite summertime treat. This is about what happens when someone somewhere (no one knows who) screws up and the blame falls on a spy. Think McGyver in a much more attractive package with a hint of the A-Team and a big splash of Mission: Impossible (without a trace of Tom Cruise, if M:I is a movie and not a tv show to you). If you just can't swing Jeffrey Donovan's way, my Partner in Crime says Gabrielle Anwar isn't too tough to look at either. One word of warning, though: dispose of any thoughts concerning Sam Axe -- he belongs to The Manda (I don't get it either, but I don't want to start any turf wars over here. The Manda fights dirty, and she has absolutely no conscience about these things. Ask anyone.) Seriously. Watch it. Stop reading and go out right now and buy the DVDs. Maybe Hulu, if you can't drive (like me!).


OK..... Now, that you've gotten and watched those.......

The Colony: I liked Season One of The Colony. I really did. An interesting premise. We run around convinced everyone is out to get us. Washington, we are convinced, is driving to hell and carrying us along with them so they can get into the carpool lane. This show asks if, when the shit hits the fan, would we know how to survive? They isolate the cast for a week (even from each other) and then set them loose on an abandoned few acres in an area of LA (really? abandoned LA? Whatever.) and then charges them with rebuilding humanity (because 12 people, at least 5 of them over childbearing age, could do that). As I said, an interesting premise. Season One did appear to be a little scripted. I'm just not sure I believe that an out of work actor all of 23 years old from New York City would know how to filter water through charcoal and sand. I kind of knew that, but only because of growing up in a house of way too many fishtanks. Even then, I'm not sure I would have transferred the knowledge if the "experts" hadn't likened the cast's contraption to the working of a fish tank filter. Even if I HAD thought of the idea, I know what fish tank filters look like when you forget to clean them for a while, so I don't know if I would have felt good about the water. Then again, TV asks you, especially in reality programming, to suspend your concept of reality at least a little, so season one was OK. That said, Season two is rubbing me the wrong way. First of all, this season talks of a viral attack rather than something artillery/ bomb realted. This means that quaratines (12 hours) are in effect any time the cast comes up against someone outside their group. I've only seen one episode (because the channel seems to be a little stingy in getting their airings to On Demand) and it involved a lot of people standing around. Secondly, rather than a manufactured sound studio in LA, they are using a real destroyed town in Louisiana. They talk about how the town was "abandoned" and I can't help but wonder if the people who owned those homes are being compensated while the cast of this show tears down the shells of their buildings,etc. The truth is I don't know, and I don't want to label blame where none is due, but I would have liked to know just how much I'm exploiting people with my viewing. I might watch anyway, but it is less likely.

Covert Affairs: This is a new show this summer. There are things that are worse, but I'm not sure if I would have watched more than one episode if I weren't stuck in a cast. It's a pretty well-worn path, concept-wise. Girl goes to Bali and has a big huge love affair, wakes up one day to find Dreamguy gone and decides that the answer is to close off her heart forever. How do you do that? Well, you join the CIA, of course. I don't like the "everything in my life is in some way informed by my love life and no matter what I accomplish I would give it all up if Dreamguy would just get in touch with me" schtick. Like I said, it's tired. I would have loved it if she'd joined the CIA so that later she could use the facial recognition software to find said asshole and at least make him pay for the hotel bill he ran out on...... but I digress. It's an interesting spy show, I guess, but there are better ones. If you're in a cast, though, check it out. There are worse ways to spend your time and take your mind off the incessant itching.

Design Star: I admit I have a weakness for Design Shows. I got into this on Tuesdays (no classes scheduled) last semester. As with Project Runway (which we might talk about in a later post as there's no WAY I'm getting through all these in one post), I kind of glaze over during a lot of reality programming. On this show, I tune out the drama and only focus on the assignment, the reveal, and the judges reaction. This makes DS a perfect show to be in the background while I'm creating assignments or planning the following week. I don't have enough emotion about reality show contestants in general to ever have my mood altered. I mean, I have opinions, but people who seem to develop real emotions connected to reality tv actors kind of scare me. That said, this is hosted by the cool Genevieve Gorder and the fabulous Vern Yip, and anyone who has known me since my former obsession with Trading Spaces knows I like Genevieve and I LOVE Vern Yip. There is also that host of Divine Design, but she adds nothing to the show for me. I think she's kind of bitchy. I mean, they ask these people to design a whole room using only shit you buy in a Oriental grocery store and she has the nerve to say, "It doesn't really look like a finished room?" No shit it doesn't look like a finished room, but the fact that the guy dyed rice and lined it up with precision to mirror Berber carpet is worth more than your scorn! I've seen your show. Of course you do it better. You get real carpet, twelve staff helpers who never get screen time, and unlimited budgets. He had rice and food coloring! So, this is a fun show, perfect for On Demand. Don't rearrange your life and pop popcorn when it's on the network, but catch it On Demand when you are folding laundry or doing some other menial task.

Ok -- that's the first 5. The post is long, and this gives me incentive to keep it going into another day. Perhaps by the time I get through all the shows (about 20-25 at last count..... 7 weeks is a LONG time, and I still have many that didn't make it through more than 2 shows -- I won't slam something I didn't give at least 2-3 viewings).

To recap:

• American Pickers -- If the premise sounds good, watch it. If you like freaky people, you'll like it. Otherwise skip.
• Burn Notice -- You've already watched the first three seasons on DVD like I told you, so I know you're hooked
• The Colony -- Meh. Don't bother unless you believe that the world is actually ending and you want survival tips.
• Covert Affairs -- If you're in a cast, it will pass an hour..... you know, or if you really like mild misogyny
• Design Star -- On Demand, when you are doing something else and want white noise